(Molly Stevens, 2009, acrylic on board, 16" x 20")I think I’d call it the pit, maybe the hole. It’s that place you find yourself after completing a piece or after hanging a show.
Your options at this point are as follows: get depressed or start something new. I usually spend some time with the former, and then eventually move to the latter. The idea motivating me being: if I keep making, maybe I can redeem myself (because there’s always something to be ashamed about in what you’ve done). So I'm sure there’s possible redemption in the future, and it will come through what I do, I think to myself.
How many of you are motivated by love of what you do? Sure, there are moments of pleasure, but, really. Be honest.
It’s also while I’m in the pit that I start realizing how impossible self-sufficiency really is. As much as I’d like to have full confidence in my inner-voice and where it has led me, what other people think matters. And thank god, really, because otherwise I’d be an arrogant prick. Like that guy. You know who I mean. What’s his name.
But do you think you have to be an arrogant prick to really make a splash? Frankly, I think so. Does splashing make for better art? No. I mean, look at what’s his name. Really.
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3 comments:
Unfortunately, I'm motivated by money and survival, not love of what I do. I like what I do a lot more than I used to, but I still look forward to those times when I don't have to do what I do, if that makes any sense. ...A certain amount of arrogance and aggressiveness seems to be a necessary ingredient for success, and maybe that's why I'll never be successful, at least in the way success is conventionally understood...
What would motivate you to do what you could do were you not doing what you have to do for the moolah in order to survive (write for example)?
I identify with your idea of "the pit". That definitely happens to me. It seems like I've been in the pit for about a year after my last show, way too long.
But you're the first one I've heard verbalize the feeling of being a bit ashamed and feeling the need to redeem yourself. It's true and it's probably because you're a better artist after creating all the work that the lesser artist you used to be had the nerve to put on the walls.
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